I'm done.

[bosshog]

I hate to say it but I'm done with the forum. It has been a huge help to me and DW. I am extremely grateful to those who have helped us and for the great advice given to use. It has helped us tremendously, and has improved our marriage, relationship, and our family. It is time for me to find somewhere else to get and give my support and advice.

What I have found is that there is a small handful of regular posters on the forum. Most bring a lot of great insight. Some are a little out there for myself, and that is fine. There is one poster though who only brings contention to the forum. His participation on the forum is the single reason I will no longer be coming here. There is no point in me being here and me reading and feeling contention. It doesn't do me any good. If this was a situation that was happening to me in person I would just remove myself from it, thus my decision.

I have no issues with what LDM says. I don't agree with everything he says, and I agree with somethings he says. We agreed on the flexibility that priesthood leaders have in following the spirit during temple recommend interviews most recently and on other things. My issue isn't on what he says, it's his personality and how he says it. I couldn't have said it better than he said, when he suggested that we pretend Spock was speaking. Spock is an arrogant asshole with only one friend. Yea Spock has great things to say, but you want to beat him every time he opens his mouth. If LDM was in my SS class I would no longer attend it, because I would want to beat him with my scriptures every time he made a comment. I instead would find another class to attend so I could feel the spirit. Our personality types just don't get along. I tend to be more compassionate and I want to understand the other parties perspective. I want to understand where they are coming from even if I don't agree with them. LDS is the antithesis of this.

I have tried the method of avoiding him, but he hijacks every thread and argues with everyone about everything. I'm of the belief that you could make a comment about how great he is, and he would argue with it. He has created such a divide in the forum and such a contentions environment that I no longer want to participate. So I will look for support elsewhere.

Again thank you to those who have given great advice and support: Mrs J, cmfray, Kiss, KSS, Brucewayne, mariabaronn, scatyb, Momgyver, Jgtrs, Justgettingby, and of course hotmom. Just to name a few.

[JustGettingBy]

Sorry to see you go. Best of luck!

[cmfray]

You and Hotmom were a success story! We will miss you - But you got to do what you got to do! Please drop back in now and then and let us know how you are doing! I kind of feel like I am losing family!!

[HighDriveMormon]

I have been rather transparent with my distaste for ldm's participation on this forum and believe several contributors and lurkers have stopped using this site because of him. I post and participate a lot less because of him too. I often enjoy topics until he starts posting on them. If we could vote, I'd vote to ban him from this site or greatly restrict his participation. Better to cut off one person than to kill the whole forum me thinks.

[KSSunflower]

I mentioned this in the other thread. Some may not have seen it (or ignored it). The forum allows you to ignore certain users by default. They will not be fully visible to you. You can do so by going to your user profile and selecting the friends/foe tab. Then select manage foes and add the username. You can also go to a user's profile and add them to your friend or foe list. This may not be the ideal for some, but it would still allow you the get the benefit of the group without having to be subject to people or things you do not want to be.

[HighDriveMormon]

KSS, Just having him as a foe and not seeing his posts won't really help since he hijacks so many threads and someone responds to it and before you know it the thread has been completely derailed. LDM, with both his points of views AND with how he presents them, has changed the atmosphere of this forum so much that it is almost unbearable. I will enjoy reading posts until he starts commenting and then it just annoys and frustrates me (again with both his opinions and how he presents them). If he is chasing away potentially dozens of contributors, do you as mods have the strength and courage to cut him off for the overall health of this site? I honestly don't know how much I will keep contributing with him around and obviously I am not the first to feel that way.

As a side note, I felt the same way about Christy and the swingers group when they start hijacking several threads and the whole atmosphere of the forum started to be too swinger-esque.

[Jgtrs]

Sorry to see Bosshog and hotmom go. I've been extremely busy and missed their departure, but wish the best for the two of them.

Regarding LDM... as I argued that Christy should have a voice here, I will also argue that LDM needs one too. I'm not for banning him because of his opinions or the way he expresses them. Like KSS said, you don't have to read his posts and you can ignore him. I suppose it is the moderator(s) job to help maintain peace and civility. If someone breaches general civility rules too often, maybe they can be dismissed. I'll leave that for others to decide.

[BBoy]

Perhaps just having this thread here will have the desired effect....

[LatterDay Marriage]

Perhaps just having this thread here will have the desired effect....

I'm still here so I guess not, at least according to the desired effect some people have.

I'm sorry to see people go, but I'm perplexed as well. I would truly like it if somebody would point out where I was so uncivil to somebody that taking that level of offense is reasonable because it doesn't make sense to me that somebody should be as upset as that over anything I've posted. I've asked before what is this 'how I say it' stuff that bugs people and the replies I got (as I understood them) were that just that me saying something is a fact offends people when they don't accept it is a fact, or if I point out why I see their argument as flawed.

I don't get that on multiple levels. First, I use the word 'fact' with care and I don't say something is a fact unless I have made an effort to check if that is so and can back up my claim, which I do. Even if somebody insists on refusing to accept it as a fact they should at least be able to see it a valid statement given the evidence I provide. Second, even if somebody claims something is a fact when it is not a fact, that is no reason to get upset. How many times have people here claimed the opposite of what I said is a fact or said I was dead wrong? Lots of times. Do I freak out over it? No, I may choose to reply with a counter argument but I don't get upset. And if pointing out the flaws of somebody's claim or argument makes them upset, isn't that being prideful?

I'm not calling names and verbally abusing anybody, that I can understand people getting upset over. Even when HDM attacks me on a very personal level about my weight I don't storm off saying I'll never come back or try to get him tossed out of here. Have I been perfect? No, there have been times that I've lashed back in retaliation against the incivility of others and although that doesn't justify me it doesn't make me a villain either.

I'm honestly asking for somebody to explain to me in a way I can understand what I have said that crosses the line to the extent that it would drive a way a reasonable mature adult, and provide examples if possible. I'm also honestly asking those offended parties to seriously consider that perhaps what upsets them is what they choose to read into my words and what conclusions they choose to jump to, not what I actually say. And also if perhaps their emotional reaction comes from a part of them that is afraid that I could be right and so are upset with me because of their own internal conflict.

[Lovey]

I'm honestly asking for somebody to explain to me in a way I can understand

Here is what I see happening here with you. It reminds me of a discussion I had with my mother over peeling potatoes. For my entire married life, I prefer to peel potatoes with a knife rather than a potato peeler. Yes, I know it wastes a bit of potato in the process. It does allow me to cut away bad knots or spots that a peeler won't touch. So one day my mother asks me to peel some potatoes for her. She can't stand that I am using a knife rather than a peeler. She becomes more and more adamant that I do things her way and that my way is completely inferior. She refuses to listen. She continues to demand that I switch to a peeler. She won't allow the idea that using a knife is an acceptable alternative to using a peeler.

Ok, LDM. This is how I see you with some of your "M" posts. You state your opinion which is fine to do. I'm sure others here share that opinion. What happens though is that you never concede that someone else opinion may have validity. Allow yourself to state an opinion once and know that it will be accepted or not without feeling a need to keep posting the same opinion over and over again. Allow others to have a different opinion without a comeback.