How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby flynnrider » Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:37 pm

27. Almost 6 years married. It varies on circumstances. have gone from 4-5 times a week to 2-3 a month. There is no definite this is how it is

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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby herhusband » Wed Dec 06, 2017 4:13 pm

Early 45-55-ish, 25-30 years (being vague to make it harder to guess if it's me if someone close happens to be reading this), 5-6 per week, sometimes more.

We've always had a good sex life. My wife is such a giving person and I've always put her first. That was a bit harder in our early years because I would sometimes accidentally cum before her. With young kids being so demanding we really had to strenuously determine to make it a priority. She would normally be a bit tired/reluctant but she most always agreed to have sex about every other day or 3 times per week BECAUSE she knew that she'd be glad afterward. She knew that somehow I'd patiently get her warmed up and shed' enjoy it even though she rarely was feeling it at the moment. Much of the time it seemed so unlikely to her that it'd be more than a chore. But she knew that's the nature of it because it always seemed unlikely until 30 minutes later we'd be having our blissful post-orgasmic happy snuggle before prayer and sleep. So in faith she'd participate 2-4 times per week the first 20 years or so.

We started to struggle with that a bit and one day I commented to her that most couples backed off a bit in their middle age years and that perhaps it was time for us to go to 1-2 times per week. Unbeknownst, to me this troubled her and she put our names in the temple with a special prayer that somehow we'd figure out how to keep our romance fire alive as we grew older instead of being content with letting it wane.

About two weeks later...

She was getting ready to go on a trip with her sisters for 4 days. We'd been discussing a struggle that one of our children was going through. I said to my wife something like... "Maybe if I disclosed [to our teen] that I made mistakes sexually when I was that age the disclosure may be helpful in pointing out the pain, anxiety and dissonance that it caused me for years until after my mission and I found peace through the atonement, etc..." To which my DW said, "You had sex before we married when you were a teenager?" I said, "Well, yes, you had a general understanding of that based on what I told you during our engagement." To which she said, "No way! You never told me this..." And we debated for a few minutes about the words I used back then and what they meant and that she should have known, and she said I was too vague, etc... During that short discussion she asked how many times and how many girls and I sheepishly admitted that I wasn't sure and it didn't matter because I repented and I didn't want to dwell on it and it wasn't part of our life, etc.. To which she disagreed and said it was relevant,... and insisted I tell her. I started counting on my fingers while looking through the ceiling into my long ago and finally said, " I don't know probably 25-30 different girls/women." And then... ding dong — the doorbell rang. Her sisters were at the door and they left for 4 days.

I didn't know how this was going to turn out. I sincerely thought that I had told her in fair disclosure when we were engaged. But then I realized that with her life in Utah (I grew up in another state) and her wonderful family life was so innocent and sheltered that she had no frame of reference to interpret accurately the words that I had used way back then. I think I had said something like, "I need to tell you something about my past before we get married. There was 3-4 years as a teenager that I didn't go to church and I drank and fooled around before I got a testimony and decided to go on my mission. I messed up a few times." I thought that was sufficient and it seemed like she was in the know. So we moved on and got married and I thought that was resolved until this story happened. She's naturally the most un-judgmental person I've ever know and thinks the best of everyone. She later admitted that when I told her those things that she figured I had french kissed a few times for too long, or something like that.

Back to the story... It was a busy week and I had mostly forgot about this unresolved situation. I wasn't sure what time she'd be back that Friday when all of a sudden she burst through the door. She was looking sexy and very pretty (even hot), especially since we'd been apart all week. She waved good-bye to her sisters as they drove off, she closed the door, turned and put her hand in the middle of my chest and pushed me backwards down the hall to our bedroom. I didn't know what was happening. She closed the door behind us, locked it, and began undressing me and urgently undressing herself during which she was saying stuff like, "Okay mister, I want to know every detail of every story... who she was, what was she like, how you met, when you did it, where you you did, how many times,... everything EVERYthing!!"

We made love three times over the next few hours... I was processing all this. It was SO not her. My first thought was, "She's insecure to learn that I had had such promiscuous capacity and now she's throwing herself at me to fulfill some imagined sex quota/backlog so that I'll be satisfied and not eventually leave, or be seduced by someone else." Then she woke me up and we did it a 4th time around 1AM. I was thinking the same type of thoughts... "She's really worried about this..." More orgasms then we went back to sleep. Around 4am she was disrobed and on me again (two hours of sleep that night). But I sensed no insecurity from her and I stopped imagining that was her motive. She was desperately hot and kept asking me questions and saying, "Tell me another story... what was she like?, what did you do to her?" That's when I realized, "This is no act born from insecurity. She's totally TURNED ON and wants to know everything for her own titillating pleasure and this is FUN!"

She told me later that because I'd been so completely faithful for sooo many years it gave her security that it was safe to milk these stories for all they're worth. Now I wish I hadn't told them all so quickly. It was so sexy to have her hanging on every detail and getting off. She still says it was like coming home and having a different man in her bed. Every story made me seem different to her and the variety factor was powerful. In her imagination I was way more Casanova than reality. To her this sexy gigolo character, that slept with extremely gorgeous women every week, was now in her bed where her routine husband had always slept. NOW she knew my true identity and for her it was hot. Well some of what she imagined was legit, but reality was more down to earth. But that's okay. It made fertile soil for her fantasies and brought us a lot of joyful hot and sexy experiences together.

I think for about 3-4 years after that we had sex 8-12 times per week and I don't have time to write in detail a tenth of where we have been and what we've done. It's tapered off naturally (thank goodness or we'd be worn out). A bon fire can't blaze forever but the fire still burns bright... Thank the Lord. Now we have sex most nights and occasionally mornings too. There's usually a day or two that we skip each week. Including the days we skip and the days we double dip it's probably 6-7 times per week.

I should have been doing other things these last two hours. But it takes time and energy to keep the interest alive and reading these posts occasionally is part of it. I'm grateful for her and all the good times we've had and that we're still going strong. I wouldn't trade our life for anyone's.

There's a lot of discussions on this forum where we're asking each other's advice. Often it seems people are seeking permission, or validation. Sometimes there's references to what this GA said or what that prophet said. Feasting on the Word of Christ is more than reading the scriptures a lot. It's living so that we have the spirit in abundance every day and being guided by the Spirit. Having the Spirit is really the primary source record by which we should steer our courses on everything, including sex. All else is secondary. Even the scriptures are secondary to having the Spirit of revelation for our own lives. Consult with Nephi or Abraham or Joseph Smith or many others about that. There are lots of examples of people/prophets that made decisions that would have been different if they'd literally followed the scriptures the had for EVERY decision. It's now my belief that we shouldn't need to look to others to decide what we do in our sex lives. Reading the scriptures often and praying constantly helps us have the spirit with us. It's OUR responsibility to make the choices that create goodness and love for our families, especially our spouses.

For us, intimacy in marriage is a matter of living to have the spirit and doing what seems most good and loving for each other.

President Packer said in his last conference address that
"The power of procreation [sex] is not just an incidental part of the plan of happiness. It IS the KEY to happiness."

It's the genesis of life on this planet and in the other worlds that Father has created. A long time ago in galaxies far far away, all over the universe... they were having sex. It should be a priority and something we value as the Pearl of Great Price. Because it is.
Last edited by herhusband on Sun Sep 02, 2018 3:31 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby Twue_Wuv » Wed Aug 01, 2018 11:05 pm

2-3 times per week

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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby jack.murray386 » Thu Aug 02, 2018 9:22 am

Anyway, by trying to have the spirit, doing what's right, and repenting no matter how many times we feel that we've failed, we've worked out our lives to be pretty darn happy and for that I'm grateful. I don't know why I've spent so much time on this this post this morning. Maybe someone else needed to see this. I hope it's helpful.

Thank you! I did need to see this.

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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby jack.murray386 » Thu Aug 02, 2018 9:24 am

Intimate 1 x per week

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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby be64 » Sat Aug 04, 2018 11:16 am

53 years old, married 30 years and have sex every other day. Sometimes more.
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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby NeverGiveUp » Mon Aug 13, 2018 7:31 pm

mid 40's
20+ years
depends on the month, but 5-7 times a month.
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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby Mateopourtoi » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:32 pm

12 yes
Depends on the week. 1 to 4 times

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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby worknonit » Sat Sep 29, 2018 1:17 am

Now 56
30yrs married
4 to six times more
Would be more but my wife has some health issues that get the way for her.
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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby Jonathanjustice » Sun Sep 01, 2019 11:48 pm

24 y.o. Married a little over a month. Around 6 times a week. Still in the honeymoon phase :)

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