Crossdressing Fetish

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Questions About Gender Play

I am female and would support/enjoy my husband experimenting with crossdressing
1
3%
I am female and would not support/enjoy my husband experimenting with crossdressing
3
9%
I am male and find sexual stimulation from dressing in women's clothing
3
9%
I am male and do not find sexual stimulation from dressing in women's clothing
11
34%
I am male and have never dressed in female clothing for sexual stimulation
7
22%
I am male and dress in some articles of female clothing for sexual stimulation
3
9%
I am male and fully crossdress as a female for sexual stimulation
4
13%
 
Total votes : 32

Crossdressing Fetish

Postby LDSCrossdresser » Tue May 19, 2015 12:59 am

So, I'm a married Mormon father and husband...and I have a crossdressing fetish. Oh the horror!! It's been a source of great confusion, embarrassment, frustration, excitement, and pleasure. I don't know why, but crossdressing for me is like sexual steroids. The further I take it, the more it amps me up. I have dressed up all the way (shaved, lingerie, outfit, wig, makeup) a handful of times and it was off the charts. My wife is aware of this and is not approving. I wanted to know how many of you, if any, experiment with gender swapping as a form of sexual stimulation or find it acceptable.
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby Momgyver » Tue May 19, 2015 3:16 pm

None of the answers fit me. If my DH really wanted to experiment with cross dressing, I would support him, but I would not say I would enjoy it. The questions link support and enjoyment, but they are completely separate things.
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby KSSunflower » Tue May 19, 2015 5:15 pm

I have not experimented with gender swapping. My concern wouldn't be dressing up as much as how far it would go. I'm not sure I'd enjoy dh dressing as a woman. I'd have lots of questions to help me understand. It would be kind of weird because I know he's a man. What is it about crossdresding that you find sexually stimulating?
"It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover." ― Marge Piercy, “Sensuality is not a sexual invitation, it’s a depth invitation.” ― Lebo Grand http://mormonsexualdialogue.boards.net/, http://www.chatzy.com/24691190515294
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby platypus22 » Tue May 19, 2015 7:11 pm

My husband crossdresses, and I have been struggling immensely with it. I am trying to let him know that he is still loved, and I certainly don't intend to leave him. However, it is a major source of depression and anxiety for me right now, since my husband has indicated his desire to be able to "dress up" more and be able to do it around me (not around our kids, however). My sweet husband has been immensely patient with me as I've asked many questions to try to understand his desire. I want him to be able to feel comfortable and express himself, but I want to feel comfortable too. I think it's going to take counseling from a psychiatrist specifically trained in this arena to help us make things work.

One thought I came across in a book I'm reading in an effort to help me better understand his needs and point of view is this. To the crossdressing spouse -- in this case, the husband, since the OP is a husband, and the CD'er in my relationship is my husband as well: Picture your wife as she is now, and everything you love about her appearance. Now, picture her with a crew cut and no makeup. Put her in carpenter jeans, a flannel shirt, and hiking boots. Imagine her body hair grown out, armpits, legs, you name it ... even figure in some facial stubble if you so choose. Picture her binding her breasts so they're not prominent under her shirt. Picture her adding some sort of artificial bulge in the appropriate place in the front of her Levis.

Now, take this overall picture, thinking of her as mannish as she can be, and then picture her wanting you to make love to her in that getup. My guess would be that a great deal of what you find attractive (at least physically) about your spouse is now altered or obscured, and that is pretty much how a struggling wife feels when her husband wants to dress up and wants her to accept him in his women's clothing, and not only accept him, but often make love to him as well. For a woman who thinks of herself in a heterosexual relationship, this is something very difficult to get used to. Note that I don't say "impossible to get used to." I think it's possible, but I think counseling is strongly needed to help us (and you) learn the give and take that will be necessary to make a relationship like this work if crossdressing is something you feel very strongly about and feel it is something you must have in your relationship.

Anyway, OP, I wish you and your wife the best.
Last edited by platypus22 on Tue May 19, 2015 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby JustGettingBy » Tue May 19, 2015 8:07 pm

Fetishes and even more "normal" sexual excitement are all crazy when you think about it. I do think counseling as a couple with a sex therapist can help both of you quite a bit.
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby platypus22 » Tue May 19, 2015 10:43 pm

Another few points I was thinking about ... You mention that the crossdressing is like "sexual steroids" and that it really "amps you up." I'm curious as to how your wife may feel if she can tell that you're more turned on and ready for sex if you're in female attire, especially if you're dressing up completely, as you mentioned (wig, lingerie, shaving, etc). If your wife compares what we'll call "unadorned" intimacy (no crossdressing, everyone in their genetic roles) to the intimacy had when you ARE crossdressing, and if she can tell that you're more interested, more turned on, more ready to go when you're in female clothing, she may feel that your desire for sex is generated by the clothing, not by her. This isn't very conducive to anyone's self-esteem, and not just a woman's self-esteem, I shouldn't think. I don't know about others visiting this forum, but I want my husband to be turned on by me and me by him, which intimacy hopefully leads to good and even great sex. If he comes in all turned on by the female clothing he's wearing, my thought is, "Well, why am I even here? He's already turned on by something else, and what am I supposed to do." If you return to the "unadorned" intimacy and it just isn't doing that much for you, your wife may feel rejected and feel you're only interested in the female clothing, not in her, since when you're not dressed up, sex just isn't that exciting for you, and believe me, she can tell if that's the case.

Also, a conservative wife -- and you may find many women (not all, by any means) in the Church are conservative women -- may be pretty gun shy (didn't do that intentionally, but there it is) when it comes to both of you being "women" for your sexual encounters together. A conservative wife isn't going to be very excited about what she may feel is a lesbian-type encounter. It may be that some women more liberal in their views harbor a fantasy about this kind of thing, and if so, great for them and one less hurdle for them to get over. (Conservative vs. liberal here isn't used to discuss political viewpoints. You can substitute the terms "open minded" and "close minded" if it makes more sense.)

One idea for the two of you might be to "take turns." One time, you get to dress up and choose how your sexual encounter will go, and then the next time, she gets to choose the scenario (including no female clothing for you, if that's what she prefers). You go back and forth each time, and each of you gets to have a chance to express yourself and have your time together the way each of you prefers it. I know that it might not be easy to achieve, but if you can try to be as turned on by the "unadorned" sex that she prefers, you might eventually find she's more turned on by your preferences as well. I guess I'm suggesting that you do what you can to make sure you're turned on by her just as much or more than the female clothing, if possible.

It worries me some that you mention something to the effect of taking the crossdressing farther and farther along. Where do you stop? Where does the line get drawn? What is your wife's role in your crossdressing? I ask that you honestly think about it. Sex is more than just the effect it has on you personally. My two cents' worth is that sex is great when it's good for both of you. If your wife is on the sidelines watching as you go farther and farther into crossdressing, and she doesn't know what you expect of her and feels as though all your sexual desire comes solely from the female clothing, then I think it's a good bet that your sex life together is going to go downhill. If it takes more and more crossdressing to turn you on, what does that equate to? Continual purchases of new clothing, wigs, etc., can get expensive. This wife, at least, has a difficult time when her husband suddenly makes a lot of purchases of female attire, and none of it is for her, especially if she's tried to be conservative in her own shopping for items for herself. Does it mean you're on a constant lookout for new positions to try? That's not a bad thing if considered by the both of you and you're both in agreement about trying new positions. Is she going to feel that she's no good for you because she can't turn you on like the female clothing does? Because she isn't always capable of the new sexual positions? If your sex life is a constant drive for needing more and more stimulation to achieve your sexual satisfaction, how will you ever be satisfied? Your wife may feel that who she is and what she does is of no consequence to you. She may feel that the message you're inadvertently sending her is that she's not good enough sexually for you if it takes all these other steps to satisfy you sexually.

If your wife feels that your sex life together has become mainly about crossdressing, it may not bode well for your time together. You need to think primarily about each other, and I do mean that for the wife in question as well, not just the husband. Each of you needs to consider the other before yourself, which is why I suggest the concept of taking turns. I need to be brave enough to suggest this to my husband. I hope that I can be.

In reading back over this post, I may be projecting a lot on to your wife that simply isn't there for her. What I've described comes from my own experiences and may not fit your relationship with your wife at all. But you may want to take those things I've mentioned into consideration and talk to your wife about them, and the two of you can then start to explore and see where you can keep making your sexual life together about the two of you. I wish you both luck and a good, long, happy relationship together.
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby LDSCrossdresser » Wed May 20, 2015 8:21 am

Just to answer a few questions that have been asked. I honestly don't know why it turns me on like it does. Probably a variety of reasons. I like that its taboo. That part is exciting. I like the transformation, the role-play, the escapism. I feel like a completely different person. It just gives me a rush to do it. I find feminine things very sexy, and then to actually take part in those things is very stimulating. The submission is probably another aspect.

My wife has shown concern for the fact of me "just getting turned on by the crossdressing and not by her" and I understand that it is a valid concern. You can look at it a number of ways though. From reading other posts I know that a lot of people on here masturbate and use sex toys. You could have the exact same concerns with all of those couples. "My wife likes her vibrator more than she likes me." Crossdressing is kind of like a weird mix of masturbation and some extreme lingerie. If my wife wants me to turned on by her and only her then she needs to do more than break out her lingerie once every two years and initiate intimacy more than once every other month. If she was pulling out all the stops and I was still just reclusive and wanting to spend time alone crossdressing, then I think this might be a valid concern, but its simply not the case in my situation. My wife and I have had sex well over 1,000 times with an extremely high percentage of mutual happy endings. Of those 1,000+ I would say some form of crossdressing has been involved maybe a dozen times. I definitely am sexually attentive to my wife and enjoy sex in every form we've ever tried. I probably have a bit of a hyper sex drive. I get turned on by a lot of stuff. It's not hard to get me going. Sex is ALWAYS exciting for me. Crossdressing is hardwired in to give me a particular rush. I'm sure we all have our little things that we like to do. I understand this one is weird. Trust me, but is it THAT crazy? I don't know. Maybe it is.

She has expressed the concern that she's not a lesbian and has no interest in a pseudo-lesbian encounter with her dressed up husband. Point taken. I wouldn't want to have sex with a lumberjack version of my wife. That's what we call a bit of an impasse.

I would LOVE to take turns. Right now my crossdressing consists of about one time a year when my wife and kids are out of the house. I still sext my wife while I'm doing it and as long as I don't show my face she can get into it with me. That was the compromise for a few years, but now she's kind of gone back on that too. To honest, I think once every other month would scratch the itch quite nicely. As far as being turned on by the "unadorned" sex that my wife prefers, trust me, I'm turned on by WHATEVER she does. Any effort she puts forth is well received and well reciprocated.

Where does it stop? That's a big question and a valid concern. Where does any sexual adventure stop? I don't really know. I would love to go away to some resort somewhere and have her dress me up and have her send me out in public on some arbitrary task. That would be fun. I don't want to live as woman. Not at all. This is 100% sexual. As soon as the sex is done I can't get the clothes off fast enough, so I don't think there's a risk of me going all Bruce Jenner on her. As far as money and crossdressing stuff, that isn't a problem with us.

All of this said, I haven't crossdressed in nearly a year. I even got rid of all my stuff in a show of good faith. I thought that would show her that I'm willing to make a big sacrifice for her and maybe lead the way for her to start working on a few of the things that she struggles with that affect our sex life as well. It hasn't exactly worked out the way I would have hoped. So now I feel like this is a very big one-sided sacrifice and it's getting hard to keep pushing forward.

I really appreciate your perspective and you share a lot of the same concerns my wife does. Some are different, but many are not. I really am trying to be the husband she wants me to be and have her not have to deal with this really awkward fetish, but I was also hoping we'd reach a compromise, which we ultimately have not been able to do.
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby be64 » Wed May 20, 2015 10:06 am

This is a fettish I have never understood. I get turned on by being as manly as possible, not the other way around. I do understand getting turned on by fettishes, but not this one. I will add that most women are cross dressers even if they get no sexual pleasure from it.

I have never understood why it is that women can women can basically dress and act like men and society sees nothing wrong with it, but same is not true the other way around. The whole equal rights for women thing has made it so women can live like men or women, but men have not been given that same right.

While I can understand women wanting an easy to maintain hair style, I don't understand why society condones women having shorter hair than me. Even in the church I see a lot of women with ultra short hair and everyone's fine with that, but if a man even grows his hair over his ears let alone to his shoulders just see what happens. If a man is practically banned from leadership if he does not have a "missionary" haircut, why then aren't women banned from leadership, if they have manlike short haircut?

Also at BYU/BYU-I specifically and in the church in general men are expected to have feminine smooth hairless faces. What happened to men being men. Requiring men to shave their faces is rather emasculating in my opinion. Why would men have been created with facial hair if it was not meant to be seen? I think something's pretty mixed up here. End rant.
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby LDSCrossdresser » Wed May 20, 2015 11:00 am

Hey, If I'm not crossdressing I'm about as manly of dude as you can get. I rock the beard, go hunting, do MMA, do sports, etc etc. If I ever got asked by my church leaders to shave my beard I'd tell them to get lost.
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Re: Crossdressing Fetish

Postby platypus22 » Wed May 20, 2015 11:13 am

Hi LDS ~ me again. I hope you don't mind my posting. My husband and I are currently struggling with this, so it's a topic at the forefront of my mind just now. I appreciate hearing the man's point of view on this as well. My husband and I do discuss this topic a lot, and I know some of his point of view, but I also don't know what he might be holding back in an effort not to hurt me.

You mentioned that your wife needs to break out her lingerie more than once every 2 years. I agree; she definitely does. Let me throw in my experience on that. I have several items of lingerie. However, I'd gained probably 30 pounds in the 3 years since we've been married and simply didn't fit into some of them anymore, so I wasn't wearing mine very often. Recently I've dropped nearly 20 of those pounds and tried on some of the lingerie I hadn't worn in a while. I was really pleased with the way it fit and felt a lot sexier in it than I had in months. Now, your wife may not have that problem. For all I know, she may weigh 100 pounds soaking wet. You may be able to discard the fit as a possibility why she doesn't wear her lingerie. Another thought I had was that I've heard from several sources that a lot of women are not quite sure if wearing lingerie is OK by Church standards, since it obviously doesn't usually lend itself to wearing garments with them. A third thought I had (sorry, I really do think about this general topic quite a lot currently) is why should I wear my lingerie when my husband is already wearing his? Obviously, this is meant to refer to when he's dressed up. I shouldn't feel like it's a femininity competition, but I do, and I feel often like I come out on the losing end of the competition. I also wonder if she avoids wearing her lingerie because she's afraid you'll want to wear yours, and then she'll have to deal with the whole situation all over again.

~ I should throw in here as a side note that if I'm coming across as chastising you or scolding you for your preferences, I apologize. I'm obviously operating under a personal bias, but I hope that giving my point of view might give you some things to think about that you might not have thought of before. ~

Do you sext your wife more often than just when you're dressed up? If you can sext her at other times when the crossdressing isn't even involved, it may be that she'll be able to realize that you love her and are turned on by her, not just the crossdressing. I've given up sexting my husband at all, because if I'm lucky, I get an "mmmmmmm" in response. He claims he doesn't know how to respond to sexting, but he's a writer, so one would think it might not be that difficult to come up with something. My point there is it would surprise me if my husband started sexting me, since he doesn't do it now, and I'd probably wonder what made him decide to take it up now. That may not apply to the two of you at all.

I've found that my attempts at doing some personal research on the topic have helped me understand a little better where my husband is coming from. I'm currently reading "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd. I actually downloaded it to my phone, since I'm not comfortable reading a tangible book like that where my kids can see it and ask questions. Here's an article I found last night that I thought was interesting, and I'm hoping my husband gets a chance to read it.

http://www.sisterhouse.net/familyroom/2 ... on-of-you/

Does my research make me OK with my husband's crossdressing? Not really, but I understand it a little better.

My husband and I have not yet been to counseling on this matter, and I'm hoping we have the financial wherewithal to get there soon. I would very much like to set aside my fears and have crossdressing not be such a hot button topic for me. I would like a professional's help in exploring our difficulties and coming to a joint resolution that will hopefully satisfy both of us.

Right now, I have to pray like crazy in order to be able to deal with the crossdressing even at the minimum I deal with it. I was given the blessing a few weeks ago to be able to see my husband smile ... really smile ... which is rare for him. He was dressed up at the time. It struck me as I looked at him how happy and peaceful he looked. I commented on it to him, and he replied that he was happy at being able to share his crossdressing with me. Since then, I've tried to look at the crossdressing as a gift I can give to him to make him happy. I'm definitely not always successful in utilizing that point of view. Unfortunately, my depression and anxiety is at an all-time high right now, and I just can't always deal with the crossdressing in that manner.

My emphasis with all of this is to communicate, communicate, communicate with your wife as best as you can. I know it's crazy difficult to be able to talk about sexuality, especially with an issue like this involved where one spouse doesn't approve. I think that's the one thing between me and my husband that's keeping me at all sane. Ask her what turns her on, even if you feel you know. Giving her a chance to express herself and her current needs may open up some doors for you. You should also have the chance to tell her that crossdressing is something that really turns you on. Suggest taking turns with her. If you can find out exactly what she wants in this stage of her life and give it to her at times, then I'm hoping she'll be willing to do the same for you. Also, I would suggest trying to find a sexual scenario or activity that doesn't involve the crossdressing, but something that you feel turns you on a great deal as well. If you can present to her that Situation X turns you on, but so does Situation Y (crossdressing), maybe if the two of you enact Situation X sometimes, then she'll be a little more willing to allow Situation Y sometimes as well.

I hope you can reach a compromise. When you communicate, ask her what she'd consider to be a compromise. You need her to be willing to allow the crossdressing sometimes. You also need her to work on some of the sexual inhibitions holding her back. What does she need you to do? The compromise can't just be "you have to allow me to crossdress, and hey, by the way, I'd also really like you to go to counseling so you can be better in bed." What will you do so that you are compromising with her? You strike me as a very intelligent guy, so I suspect you've already got some compromises in place. If you can vocalize to her what you're willing to do as part of your compromise, I hope she'll be willing to meet you halfway.
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