What were you taught about masturbation?

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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby Lovey » Sun Jan 18, 2015 5:28 pm

One of the fascinating aspects of Momgyver's experience to me is that during her repressed years, she didn't like her husband very much. Little things about him annoyed her. Is that right Momgyver?
January has been a beast for us this year- both of us getting the flu :cry: My hon has been really sick and is still trying to recover while mine lasted only one week. While we were both sick, neither of us felt in the mood...at all. Once I was better than him, I felt more interested but he wasn't (for good reasons) What is interesting to me is how quickly little annoyances can set in- both from not feeling well and from not having that deep connection that intimacy brings.
Is this true for others?

Back to the post thread..Nothing was taught. Nothing..didn't do it..didn't know women did it till I came here. I know a lot more now. ;)
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby mariabronn » Sun Jan 18, 2015 7:15 pm

Knowledge is POWER, isn't it, Lovey
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby Momgyver » Sun Jan 18, 2015 9:30 pm

Lovey wrote:One of the fascinating aspects of Momgyver's experience to me is that during her repressed years, she didn't like her husband very much. Little things about him annoyed her. Is that right Momgyver?

Yes, that is correct. I really didn't like him very much. I didn't like being around him. I simply tolerated him. Pretty sad - for both of us. Now those same little things don't really matter anymore, and I am actually in love with him, and love being with him. He didn't change, _I_ did.
“Love cannot live where there is no trust.” Edith Hamilton
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby BBoy » Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:13 pm

Perhaps a lot of marriages could be rescued if everyone just admitted that they masturbate and will continue to masturbate as long they both shall live.
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby mariabronn » Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:38 pm

Here, here bboy. All in favor say aye....
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby OkieDokie » Tue Jan 20, 2015 1:31 pm

I shall try to remember to put that in my vows should I ever be in a position to make vows.
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby zos » Tue Jan 20, 2015 4:59 pm

Momgyver wrote:As far as how we got to where we are today, it is a long story and I've told a lot of it scattered here and there throughout the forum. The bottom line was, that over the years, I became a cold fish. I never refused sex, but it was very, very clear I never wanted it either. Events brought our marriage to the breaking point. DH gave me an ultimatum. Change. Show him some affection. Actually participate in the sex we were having. OR He was going to divorce me. I had to decide. I thought long and hard. I prayed. Ultimately, I chose to give change a try and in the process God changed my heart. Profoundly. Permanently. As part of that change, I will not compromise my sexuality. I give freely and unconditionally, but I am also not afraid to ask for what I need. I will never be that repressed person again, that hid and denied my sexual self. He is so happy that I actually love him again, and am demonstrating that love, that he has been willing to give back to me on so many levels. My change was instantaneous. His has been gradual. He is beginning to trust that my change is permanent.

Gods ways are mysterious and amazing.

Here is one place where I tell part of my story: http://www.ldssexuality.com/forum/viewt ... =20#p19040


But you weren't really sexually repressed if you were masturbating, right? Was it that you were feeling guilty about your sexuality during those times? Or was it that you just weren't getting along with your husband and that led to a bad cycle?
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby MrShorty » Wed Jan 21, 2015 12:46 am

BBoy wrote:Perhaps a lot of marriages could be rescued if everyone just admitted that they masturbate and will continue to masturbate as long they both shall live.

Perhaps, though, I expect it will be more like what Dr. Schnarch talks about -- differentiation. I expect that, in a conservative sexual culture like the conservative LDS view, there will be a lot of people/couples who view masturbation as "selfish" and "inappropriate" and tag other negative baggage to their own or their spouse's masturbation, leading to "emotional fusion" over the subject. They will need to develop better differentiation so they do not lose their emotional equilibrium over what their spouse does when they aren't around, and learn to stand on their own two emotional feet when their spouse chooses a little solo sex on the side.
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby BBoy » Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:31 pm

I tempted to make some Schnarch-y comment here....
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Re: What were you taught about masturbation?

Postby be64 » Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:49 pm

MrShorty wrote:
BBoy wrote:Perhaps a lot of marriages could be rescued if everyone just admitted that they masturbate and will continue to masturbate as long they both shall live.

Perhaps, though, I expect it will be more like what Dr. Schnarch talks about -- differentiation. I expect that, in a conservative sexual culture like the conservative LDS view, there will be a lot of people/couples who view masturbation as "selfish" and "inappropriate" and tag other negative baggage to their own or their spouse's masturbation, leading to "emotional fusion" over the subject. They will need to develop better differentiation so they do not lose their emotional equilibrium over what their spouse does when they aren't around, and learn to stand on their own two emotional feet when their spouse chooses a little solo sex on the side.

I don't understand why masturbation would be considered selfish just because it something you do by yourself and is enjoyable. There are a lot of things that can be done by yourself which are enjoyable that are not considered selfish. For example eating, having a hot shower, soaking in a hot tub, working out, running, and a lot of other things. I find lifting weights quite enjoyable does that mean if I do it by myself I'm being selfish and cheating on my wife?
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