Excuses

[RockyMtn]

We still laugh at the thought of women treating sex like a chore.

Not a laughing matter. Not funny; not even close.

We only laugh because it is evident they have no idea what they are missing out on and the stress they are bringing into their relationship and hence their life...

You are laughing because of the misery of others? Good to know. I'm still new here, it's good to know where people are coming from.

[RockyMtn]

Honestly, the only time my wife has ever said no was when we were in a public place or there were other people around. She's never said no. She's occasionally said she's not in the mood but that I'm free to do what I please* it means her nipples will get played with and her mood changes. Works every. single. time.

*We still quote a line for the TV show Scrubs,Jordan, the ex-wife, is in bed with her ex-husband she's back together with. When he asks if they can have sex, she pulls on a sleeping mask, lays down and says "Do what you want, just don't wake me."

[UtahAl]

Old thread, but good. I have gotten a few of the excuses, like I haven't showered yet and I stink down there. But for the most oart, she is always willing, even if not excited about it. I can't complain.

[Mrs J]

Exhaustion and illness are the only two DH has used. It's rare he'll initiate, I think because he's afraid I'll turn the tables on him someday. He doesn't know what it's like to be truly rejected by me, and I'm going to keep it that way. Because I love him, and I don't want him to hurt as deeply as he has hurt me in the past when he's turned me down. It's hard to forget the time(s) I put on lingerie and a timid smile only to get a half-hearted boob grope and an excuse. That walk of shame to remove "unused" lingerie cuts deep. Things are much much better now, btw, and I don't bring up the rejection to him. I guess I bring it up here to demonstrate I really do know how some of you feel. I have compassion and empathy for you.

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[NeverGiveUp]

I got to the point that I stopped asking. It was not worth the feeling of rejection.

It's getting better though.

[bigdude]

I got to the point that I stopped asking. It was not worth the feeling of rejection.

Ditto, except I’m my case it wasn’t the rejection. It was the realization that having sex for years with someone who doesn’t want to really isn’t enjoyable. When it got to the point where I was getting a non-passionate duty handjob every couple of weeks, I told myself that I was really pathetic, and I quit.

[NeverGiveUp]

I could say this all day and it wouldn't make bit of difference, but it's not you.

I'm assuming she's not willing to even talk about or seek help? Actually I remember from a previous thread that she doesn't see this as a problem...

Sorry man, this just blows.

[terribear]

I only remember one time (in nearly 40 years) when she said, "Can we do it in the morning?" But then, I never approached her about it when she seemed tired or distraught. There were lots of times that I felt she wasn't going to get in the mood, so I just gave her a back rub or foot run with no ulterior motives, and then when I said good night, she was suddenly in the mood.

[Swish]

I’m in the same boat of not really ever having my wife use excuses. We communicate well enough and read each other well enough to know when exhaustion or illness is going to make it a more difficult night to have quality sex. She will offer other options when she doesn’t feel down for intercourse... and all of them end up with an orgasm for me if I am desiring. I’m lucky.