How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby flynnrider » Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:37 pm

27. Almost 6 years married. It varies on circumstances. have gone from 4-5 times a week to 2-3 a month. There is no definite this is how it is

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Re: How Old, How Long Married, How Often Sex?

Postby herhusband » Wed Dec 06, 2017 4:13 pm

Early 45-55-ish, 25-30 years (being vague to make it harder to guess if it's me if someone close happens to be reading this), 5-6 per week, sometimes more.

We've always had a good sex life. My wife is such a giving person and I've always put her first. That was a bit harder in our early years because I would sometimes accidentally cum before her. With young kids being so demanding we really had to strenuously determine to make it a priority. She would normally be a bit tired/reluctant but she most always agreed to have sex about every other day or 3 times per week BECAUSE she knew that she'd be glad afterward. She knew that somehow I'd patiently get her warmed up and shed' enjoy it even though she rarely was feeling it at the moment. Much of the time it seemed so unlikely to her that it'd be more than a chore. But she knew that's the nature of it because it always seemed unlikely until 30 minutes later we'd be having our blissful post-orgasmic happy snuggle before prayer and sleep. So in faith she'd participate 2-4 times per week the first 20 years or so.

We started to struggle with that a bit and one day I commented to her that most couples backed off a bit in their middle age years and that perhaps it was time for us to go to 1-2 times per week. Unbeknownst, to me this trouble her and she put our names in the temple with a special prayer that somehow we'd figure out how to kept our romance fires alive as we grew older instead of being content with letting it wane.

About two weeks later...

She was getting ready to go on a trip with her sisters for 4 days. We'd been discussing a struggle that one of our children was going through. I said to my wife something like... "Maybe if I disclosed to her that I'd made mistakes sexually when I was that age and maybe the disclosure would be helpful by me pointing out the pain and shame that it caused me for years until after my mission and through the atonement, etc..." To which my DW said, "You had sex before we married when you were a teenager?" I said, "Well, yes, I thought you had a general understanding of that." To which she said, "No way! You never told me this..." And we debated for a few minutes about the words I used back then and what they meant and she should have know, and how I was too vague, etc... During that short discussion she asked how many times and how many girls and I sheepishly said I wasn't sure and it didn't matter because I repented and I didn't want to dwell on it and it wasn't part of our life, etc.. To which she disagreed and said it was relevant, etc... and insisted I tell her. I started counting on my fingers while looking through the ceiling, blah blah, and said, " I don't know probably 25-30 different girls." And then... ding dong. Her sisters were at the door and they left for 4 days.

I didn't know how this was going to turn out. I sincerely thought that I had told her in fair disclosure when we were engaged. But then I realized that with her sheltered life in Utah (I grew up in another state) and her wonderful family life so innocent she had no frame of reference to interpret accurately the words that I had used way back then. She later admitted that when I told her those things that she just figure I had probably french kissed few times for too long, or something like that.

It was a busy week and I had mostly forgot about this unresolved situation. I wasn't sure what time she'd be back that Friday when all of a sudden she burst through the door. She was looking sexy and very pretty (even hot), especially since we'd been apart all week. She waved good-bye to her sisters as they drove off, closed the door, turned and put her hand in the middle of my chest and pushed me backwards down the hall to our bedroom. I didn't know what was happening. She closed the door behind us, locked it, and began undressing me and urgently undressing herself during which she as saying stuff like, "Okay mister, I want to know every detail of every story... where you were, who she was, what was she like, how you met, when you did it, how many times,... everything everything!!"

We made love 2-3 times over the next few hours... I was processing all this. It was SO not her. My first thought was, "She's insecure to learn that I had that capacity and now she's throwing herself out there to fulfill some imagined requirement so I'll be satisfied and not eventually leave, or be seduced by someone else that's more like I was back then." Then she woke me up and we did it a 4th time around 1AM. I was thinking the same type of thoughts. We went back to sleep. Then around 4am she was disrobed and on me again and asking me questions and saying, "tell me another story... what was she like?, what did you do?" That's when I realized, "This is no act and insecurity has nothing to do with it. She's totally turned on and want's to know everything for her own pleasure and this is fun!"

She told me later that because I'd been so completely faithful for sooo many years it gave her security that it was safe to milk these stories for all they're worth. Now I wish I hadn't told them all so quickly. It was so sexy to have her hanging on every detail and getting off. She still says it was like coming home and having a different man in her bed. Every story made me even different and the variety factory was powerful. She imagined me way more as Casanova Gigelo than I really was. In her mind I was some sexy James Bond character that slept with a different extremely gorgeous women every week and suddenly my disguised had been lifted. NOW she knew my true identity and it was hot... to her. Well some of the stories were pretty "out there" so there was fuel for the fire. But it wasn't near to the level she imagined. But that's okay. It was fertile soil for her fantasies and brought us a lot of joyful experiences together.

I think for about 3-4 years after that we had sex 8-12 times per week and I don't have time to detail fun high-lights of where we were when and what we did. It's tapered off naturally. A bon fire can blaze for ever but the fire burns bright... Thank the Lord. Now we have sex most nights and sometimes mornings too but there's usually a day or two that we skip. Not that we're tired, just worn out;-).

I guess I'm obsessed with the subject of sex. I should have been doing other things these last two hours. But it takes time and energy to keep the interest alive and reading on these posts occasionally is part of it. But I'm grateful for her and all the good times we have and have had. I wouldn't trade our life for any other. I'm grateful for the teaching of the church when we take the time to look pass some of the disabling cultural barriers.

Feasting on the Word of Christ is more than reading the scriptures a lot. It's living so that we have the spirit in abundance every day and being guided by the spirit. Having the spirit is really the primary source record by which me should steer our courses on everything, including sex. All else is secondary. Even the scriptures are secondary to having the spirit of revelation for our own life. Consult with Nephi or Abraham or Joseph Smith or many others about that. There are lots of examples of people/prophets that made decisions that would have been different if they'd literally followed the scriptures for every decision. We shouldn't look to others to decide what we do in our sex lives. Reading the scriptures often and praying constantly is essential for having the spirit but it's OUR responsibility to make the right choices that affect the most good for our families, especially our spouses. If something brings you closer together and makes you always want to be together than that's a righteous thing. It's probably a bit different for everyone.

Anyway, by trying to have the spirit, doing what's right, and repenting no matter how many times we feel that we've failed, we've worked out our lives to be pretty darn happy and for that I'm grateful. I don't know why I've spent so much time on this this post this morning. Maybe someone else needed to see this. I hope it's helpful.

President Packer said in his last conference address that "The power of procreation (sex) is not just an incidental part of the plan of happiness. It IS the KEY to happiness." The more I study and learn the more ways I see that that is true. It's the genesis of life not only on this planet but throughout the galaxies. It should be a priority and something we guard as the pearl of great price. Because it is.
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